Psychotherapy in Orange County

Marriage, dating problem? Take this test!!!

Tue, 01 Feb 2011 21:21:00 +0000

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.drwendywalsh.com%2Fblog%2F2009%2F10%2Fwhats-your-attachment-style-heres-a-quiz%2F&h=e43bdERNDmfVUYOhj9psKagZeOg

If you have any questions contact me via email: eshoja@gmail.com

What is Group Therapy....you asked?!

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 20:58:00 +0000

Many of you have asked me about group therapy and what it’s for. I’m not surprised as most of the therapists do not offer group therapy which happens to be a very challenging task for a therapist to do on weekly basis!

Group therapy represents a real life situation in a small setting. This is not a class and therapy is taking place at each minute you’re participating. Group therapy reveals how we act when in public. How we present ourselves to friends/acquaintances/colleagues, and opposite sex; and how open minded vs. closed minded we are towards change and individual differences. It reveals if you happen to come across as shy, jealous, snobbish, self-assured, sensitive, or insecure etc…within group dynamic. People will make comments and give feed backs about your postures and attitude, thus act as mirrors. It’s up to us to either improve our outside look/behavior or remain the same.

We all wear masks when in public! Rest assures that we’ll never act in such manners when we’re on our own or in familiar settings! Wearing these masks are time consuming and waste of our time and energy and no one ever gets to see who we really are. Don’t you love to feel comfortable in your own skin? Be assertive and secure and act authentically and stay true to yourself?

In group therapy we will realize what stands between us and intimate relationships, be it with our friends and family or our mate or future spouses. In group therapy we’ll learn what we do within a relationship that jeopardizes its success in reaching its full potentials?

In short, relationship group therapy helps you to overcome your insecurities and shine in your relationships by simply being yourself. It’ll improve all your relationships and rewards you with being yourself at any setting!

In groups, we learn how to trust ourselves and others! I keep the group very small (6 people) and the therapy is about 90 minutes. Each session costs $40 which will be paid at the beginning of each session. People in a group have to commit to at least 12 sessions (3 month). I need to interview each member to see if they’re eligible.

On Wednesday 1/ 12/ 2011 @ 6 pm (8 Corporate Park, Suite 300, Irvine, CA, 92606), we’ll meet for the first time so I could explain and demonstrate 15 minutes of group therapy and if you find yourself interested in group therapy you’ll make an appointment for the 15min interview with me (free of charge) for the initial group therapy session the following week. I hope that explains everything. If you have any questions feel free to call me at (949)307-3239 after 5 pm!

Myths about Marriage & Divorce!!!

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 14:01:00 +0000

10 Marriage Myths

The most recent U.S. Census figures confirm what most everyone already knows — divorce rates, indeed, are on the rise.

With nearly half of all marriages ending in divorce, many couples are starting to re-evaluate their relationships.

But before you start any heady analysis, it's important to know the facts from the myths when it comes to marriage:

Marriage Myth 1: Marriage benefits men much more than women.

Fact: Contrary to earlier and widely publicized reports, recent research finds men and women to benefit about equally from marriage, although in different ways. Both men and women live longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives when they are married. Husbands typically gain greater health benefits, while wives gain greater financial advantages.

Marriage Myth 2: Having children typically brings a married couple closer together and increases marital happiness.

Fact: Many studies have shown that the arrival of the first baby commonly has the effect of pushing the mother and father farther apart, and bringing stress to the marriage. However, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.

Marriage Myth 3: The keys to long-term marital success are good luck and romantic love.

Fact: Rather than luck and love, the most common reasons couples give for their long-term marital success are commitment and companionship. They define their marriage as a creation that has taken hard work, dedication and commitment (to each other and to the institution of marriage). The happiest couples are friends who share lives and are compatible in interests and values.

Marriage Myth 4: The more educated a woman becomes, the lower are her chances of getting married.

Fact: A recent study based on marriage rates in the mid-1990s concluded that today's women college graduates are more likely to marry than their non-college peers, despite their older age at first marriage. This is a change from the past, when women with more education were less likely to marry.

Marriage Myth 5: Couples who live together before marriage, and are thus able to test how well suited they are for each other, have more satisfying and longer-lasting marriages than couples who do not.

Fact: Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have less satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually breaking up. One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of commitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. But in addition, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, suggest "there may be less motivation for cohabiting partners to develop their conflict resolution and support skills." (One important exception: Cohabiting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near future have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don't live together before marriage).

Marriage Myth 6: People can't be expected to stay in a marriage for a lifetime as they did in the past because we live so much longer today.

Fact: Unless our comparison goes back a hundred years, there is no basis for this belief. The enormous increase in longevity is due mainly to a steep reduction in infant mortality. And while adults today can expect to live a little longer than their grandparents, they also marry at a later age. The life span of a typical, divorce-free marriage, therefore, has not changed much in the past 50 years. Also, many couples call it quits long before they get to a significant anniversary: Half of all divorces take place by the seventh year of a marriage.

Marriage Myth 7: Marrying puts a woman at greater risk of domestic violence than if she remains single.

Fact: Contrary to the proposition that for men "a marriage license is a hitting license," a large body of research shows that being unmarried — and especially living with a man outside of marriage — is associated with a considerably higher risk of domestic violence for women. One reason for this finding is that married women may significantly underreport domestic violence. Further, women are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce a man who is violent. Yet it is probably also the case that married men are less likely to commit domestic violence because they are more invested in their wives' well-being, and more integrated into the extended family and community. These social forces seem to help check men's violent behavior.

Marriage Myth 8: Married people have less satisfying sex lives, and less sex, than single people.

Fact: According to a large-scale national study, married people have both more and better sex than do their unmarried counterparts. Not only do they have sex more often but they enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally.

Marriage Myth 9: Cohabitation is just like marriage, but without "the piece of paper."

Fact: Cohabitation typically does not bring the benefits — in physical health, wealth and emotional wellbeing — that marriage does. In terms of these benefits, cohabitants in the United States more closely resemble singles than married couples. This is due, in part, to the fact that cohabitants tend not to be as committed as married couples, and they are more oriented toward their own personal autonomy and less to the well-being of their partner.

Marriage Myth 10: Because of the high divorce rate, which weeds out the unhappy marriages, people who stay married have happier marriages than people did in the past when everyone stuck it out, no matter how bad the marriage.

Fact: According to what people have reported in several large national surveys, the general level of happiness in marriages has not increased and probably has declined slightly. Some studies have found in recent marriages, compared to those of 20 or 30 years ago, significantly more work-related stress, more marital conflict and less marital interaction.

By Dr. David Popenoe, The National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, N.J.

Seven Myths of Divorce

By Orli Peter Ph.D

There are many stereotypes about divorce that receive a lot of attention in the media but can be quite harmful to both women and men. Here are some of them, contrasted with what recent sociological and psychological studies tell us:

Myth 1: Most men cheat on their wives.

Actually, the best designed study to date indicates that nearly 80% of men report that they have never cheated on their wives.

Myth 2: Most divorcing women are jilted by their husbands.

Many studies have corroborated that the great majority of divorces (two thirds to three quarters, depending on the study) are initiated by women. This makes sense because numerous studies indicate that men are generally happier being married than are women, they report less marital frustration and dissatisfaction, and are less likely to consider the option of divorce.

Myth 3: Women bitterly regret divorce.

Most divorced women do not regret divorcing. Moreover, divorced women are generally happier than divorced men. And one large study suggests that many middle-aged women become happier after their divorce. These women showed an increase in positive self-image and self-esteem and were inspired by their divorce to gain more control of their lives. Many enjoyed sex more after their divorce.

Myth 4: Women emerge from divorce more emotionally scarred and psychologically damaged than do men.

This is generally not true. Not only are divorced women happier than divorced men, but they are better off emotionally too. In study after study they consistently outscore divorced men on psychological tests to assess emotional health and well-being.

Myth 5: Ex-spouses are highly antagonistic toward one another, even to the point of acting unethically.

Divorced couples, of course, vary widely in the civility of their interactions. But about half of divorced men and women even describe their relationship with their ex-spouse as friendly or cooperative.

Myth 6: Most divorced men can remarry while most divorced women cannot.

It is true that divorced women are less likely than divorced men to want to remarry (after all, they are happier than the men with being divorced). But both groups do remarry at very high rates--and soon. About 80% of divorced men and 75% of divorced women remarry whether or not they have children, and most do so within three years.

Myth 7: The economic consequences of divorce devastate women more than men.

Women are generally worse off financially in the years immediately following a divorce. This has less to do with divorce than with the fact that women generally make less money than men. But, one important study indicates that, five years later, after most men and women have remarried, women's household incomes increased slightly more above predivorce levels than those of their ex-husbands. Furthermore, one very recent study indicates that women are generally more satisfied with their divorce settlements than men, and that this satisfaction is stable over time.

Myths such as these offer false lessons regarding both what men and women should expect from each other and how one should behave in divorce. The truth is richer and contains many positive possibilities for both women and men.

Psychology Humor :-)

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 13:30:00 +0000

RING. . .

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I'm never alone.

Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get you!

Hypochondria is the only illness that I don't have.

I've always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I'd eat my M&M's one by one with a glass of water.

In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?"

The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."

The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?"

The second responds, "God told me I was."

At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!"

A psychologist was walking along a Hawaiian beach when he kicked a bottle poking up through the sand. Opening it, he was astonished to see a cloud of smoke and a genie smiling at him.

"For your kindness," the genie said, "I will grant you one wish!" The psychologist paused, laughed, and replied, "I have always wanted a road from Hawaii to California."

The genie grimaced, thought for a few minutes and said, "Listen, I'm sorry, but I can't do that! Think of all the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how long they'd have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement. That's too much to ask."

"OK," the psychologist said, not wanting to be unreasonable. "I'm a psychologist. Make me understand my patients. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, what do they really want? Basically, teach me to understand what makes them tick!"

The genie paused, and then sighed, "Did you want two lanes or four?"

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!

Communication Styles

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 01:01:00 +0000

Every time we speak, we choose and use one of four basic communication styles: assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive.

Aggressive Communication:mad:

__You choose and make decisions for others.

__You are brutally honest.

__You are direct and forceful.

__You are self enhancing and derogatory.

__You’ll participate in a win-lose situation only if you’ll win.

__You demand your own way.

__You feel righteous, superior, controlling – later possibly feeling guilt.

__Others feel humiliated, defensive, resentful and hurt around you.

__Others view you in the exchange as angry, vengeful, distrustful and fearful.

__The outcome is usually that your goal is achieved at the expense of others. Your rights are upheld but others are violated.

__Your underlying belief system is that you have to put others down to protect yourself.

Passive Communication:unsure:

__You allow others to choose and make decisions for you.

__You are emotionally dishonest.

__You are indirect and self-denying.

__You are inhibited.

__If you get your own way, it is by chance.

__You feel anxious, ignored, helpless, manipulated, angry at yourself and/or others.

__Others feel guilty or superior and frustrated with you.

__Others view you in the exchange as a pushover and that you don’t know what you want or how you stand on an issue.

__The outcome is that others achieve their goals at your expense. Your rights are violated.

__Your-underlying belief is that you should never make someone uncomfortable or displeased except yourself.

Passive-Aggressive Communication:cool:

__You manipulate others to choose your way.

__You appear honest but underlying comments confuse.

__You tend towards indirectness with the air of being direct.

__You are self-enhancing but not straightforward about it.

__In win-lose situations you will make the opponent look bad or manipulate it so you win.

__If you don’t get your way you’ll make snide comments or pout and be the victim.

__You feel confused, unclear on how to feel, you’re angry but not sure why. Later you possibly feel guilty.

__Others feel confused, frustrated, not sure who you are or what you stand for or what to expect next.

__Others view you in the exchange as someone they need to protect themselves from and fear being manipulated and controlled.

__The outcome is that the goal is avoided or ignored as it causes such confusion or the outcome is the same as with an aggressive or passive style.

__Your underlying belief is that you need to fight to be heard and respected. If that means you need to manipulate, be passive or aggressive, so be it.

Assertive Communication:)

__You choose and make decisions for you.

__You are sensitive and caring with your honesty.

__You are direct.

__You are self-respecting, self-expressive and straightforward.

__You convert win-lose situations to win-win ones.

__You are willing to compromise and negotiate.

__You feel confident, self-respecting, goal-oriented, and valued. Later you may feel a sense of accomplishment.

__Others feel valued and respected.

__Others view you with respect, trust and understand where you stand.

__The outcome is determined by above-board negotiation. Your rights and others are respected.

__Your underlying belief is that you have a responsibility to protect your own rights. You respect others but not necessarily their behavior.

Interested in Dream Analysis?

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 23:00:00 +0000

What is a Dream?

We all dream. Every night as we dim the light of consciousness we enter the realm of the dream. In this dream state our imagination runs free with little or no interference from our conscious mind. In the morning, when we wake and return to consciousness, we may bring with us a recollection of the wanderings of our imagination we remember the dream.To dream is natural; it is a universal experience. How we regard the dream, however, varies from culture to culture and from person to person. Unfortunately most of us fail to remember them. Even if we do remember a dream it is typically dismissed as meaningless and unimportant. For those of us who do place an importance on the dream it still remains a mystery. So what is a dream?

Dreams - God's forgotten language

Originally the dream was held to be the voice of God. Most indigenous cultures hold that the dream is sent by the Great Spirit and serves to offer advice and instruction. This idea of the divinity of the dream can also to be found in the ancient Egyptian and Greek cultures. In the Middle East the dream was considered to be a source of divine inspiration. Mohammed, the founding Prophet of Islam, is said to have received much of what is written in the Koran through his dreams.

The Rediscovery of the Dream

In the early part of this century, two great psychologists, Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, rediscovered the value of the dream. For Freud the dream revealed what the dreamer would rather keep hidden. By exploring the dream one was forced to face what was suppressed and rejected within oneself. Jung had another theory. Jung felt that the dream acted as a mirror for the ego - revealing that which was missing from the consciousness of the dreamer. For Jung the dream acted as a teacher and guide on the road toward wholeness. With the work of both Jung and Freud the dream regained its status as a source of wisdom and healing. The dream acted in such a way as to amend a lop-sided or partial perspective on life. A series of dreams would develop, balance and refine the conscious awareness of the dreamer. Jung had rediscovered the age-old wisdom of the dream and its capacity to heal and make whole. Apart from healing, the dreams also seemed to be encouraging and actively participating in the growth and development of the personality. Jung termed this inherent drive of the psyche as the force of individuation, the force by which we become whole and indivisible.

Jungian Dream Interpretation

Since dreams are a way of communicating with the unconscious, Jung believed that dream images reveal something about yourself, your relationships with others, and situations in your waking life. Dreams guide your personal growth and help in achieving your full potential. Jung also believes that the dream's manifest content is just as significant and revealing as the latent content. By simply discussing what is currently going on in your life, it can help you interpret and unlock the cryptic images of your dreams. Jung?s method of dream interpretation is placed more confidently on the dreamer. He believes that you all possess the necessary tools to interpret your own dreams. There is no one correct way to interpret a dream. The meaning of your dreams is a personal judgment and is up to you on how to interpret them. Whatever interpretation feels right to you is most significant and more important than what someone else thinks or believes. Dreams put us in touch with our selves and smooth our passage throughout life. The dream serves as a bridge between the conscious and unconscious mind. For the dream belongs to the twilight zone of consciousness - where the ego and the unconscious meet. The conscious element of the dream lies in its remembrance, the unconscious element lies in its mystery and perplexity. Half conscious, half unconscious, the dream unites the known and the unknown. To listen to the dream is to listen to the unconscious. Through doing so one relieves the need for the unconscious to force itself. Other people in your dreams are parts of your own personality. Depending on the way you characterize this friend, he or she will have a meaning or another. Let?s suppose that he or she was a liar. Therefore, they represent your own tendency to lie. If your friend is characterized by a positive attitude, this means that he or she represents a positive part of your personality and so. I will post how to interpret your own dream next time:D

My experience with Iranian Patients!

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:48:00 +0000

Ok, please don't get me wrong; I think all cultures are mixture of flaws and strength. So let's talk about ours for a minute or two for the hope of resolving them one at a time.

Every time I see an Iranian Patient, I'm reminded of our flaws and lose the sight of our cultural strength (my bad). Mr. or Mrs. X comes to my office and first makes sure to trash the previous poor doctor for being a "good for nothing of a doctor who wasted their time and money", (avazie, besavaad, khodesh be doctor ehtiyaj dasht, etc", at this point I'm reminded yet aging what awaits me if I don't get his/her needs met! Then we proceed to explore their reason for pursuing therapy and they give me a story about 3 generations back including the in-laws, 3rd, and 4th cousins and their spouses and children, and I'm thinking these are all interlocking issues that somehow has effected this patient's life. Only to find out that it has nothing to do with anything that patient wants to resolve. Almost 10-15 minutes to the end of the 50- minute session you get their horrific-of- a-problem mentioned in a hurry, followed by a question, "what should I do about this, doc?" I usually recommend weekly therapy sessions, only to face a very confused/disappointed patient. "You mean I have to return for another session" "Arent you going to tell me what to do? Doctor such-and-such could diagnose your whole life over the phone and you already know everything about me, yet want me to attend weekly sessions? I'm not crazy, you know. I just need to know how to take care of my issues."

Ooh, the joy of explaining away the process of the therapy. It tickles me every time I recite it, ...not! After explaining that ordinary people like you and me who are by no definition "crazy" are ideal candidates for "talk-therapy" and those who are in psychiatry units may get the label of "mentally disable", we proceed to inquiries about my fees, and somehow "the bargain hunter" in them comes out, and boy they won't let go till they have their price. It makes me wonder, if I don't settle with their asking price would I end up with the description of the previous doctor? "Oon doctor-e avazie, besavad, khodesh be doctor ehtiyaj dasht." :lol: