Psychotherapy in Orange County

Every time we speak, we choose and use one of four basic communication styles: assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive.

Aggressive Communication:mad:

__You choose and make decisions for others.

__You are brutally honest.

__You are direct and forceful.

__You are self enhancing and derogatory.

__You’ll participate in a win-lose situation only if you’ll win.

__You demand your own way.

__You feel righteous, superior, controlling – later possibly feeling guilt.

__Others feel humiliated, defensive, resentful and hurt around you.

__Others view you in the exchange as angry, vengeful, distrustful and fearful.

__The outcome is usually that your goal is achieved at the expense of others. Your rights are upheld but others are violated.

__Your underlying belief system is that you have to put others down to protect yourself.

Passive Communication:unsure:

__You allow others to choose and make decisions for you.

__You are emotionally dishonest.

__You are indirect and self-denying.

__You are inhibited.

__If you get your own way, it is by chance.

__You feel anxious, ignored, helpless, manipulated, angry at yourself and/or others.

__Others feel guilty or superior and frustrated with you.

__Others view you in the exchange as a pushover and that you don’t know what you want or how you stand on an issue.

__The outcome is that others achieve their goals at your expense. Your rights are violated.

__Your-underlying belief is that you should never make someone uncomfortable or displeased except yourself.

Passive-Aggressive Communication:cool:

__You manipulate others to choose your way.

__You appear honest but underlying comments confuse.

__You tend towards indirectness with the air of being direct.

__You are self-enhancing but not straightforward about it.

__In win-lose situations you will make the opponent look bad or manipulate it so you win.

__If you don’t get your way you’ll make snide comments or pout and be the victim.

__You feel confused, unclear on how to feel, you’re angry but not sure why. Later you possibly feel guilty.

__Others feel confused, frustrated, not sure who you are or what you stand for or what to expect next.

__Others view you in the exchange as someone they need to protect themselves from and fear being manipulated and controlled.

__The outcome is that the goal is avoided or ignored as it causes such confusion or the outcome is the same as with an aggressive or passive style.

__Your underlying belief is that you need to fight to be heard and respected. If that means you need to manipulate, be passive or aggressive, so be it.

Assertive Communication:)

__You choose and make decisions for you.

__You are sensitive and caring with your honesty.

__You are direct.

__You are self-respecting, self-expressive and straightforward.

__You convert win-lose situations to win-win ones.

__You are willing to compromise and negotiate.

__You feel confident, self-respecting, goal-oriented, and valued. Later you may feel a sense of accomplishment.

__Others feel valued and respected.

__Others view you with respect, trust and understand where you stand.

__The outcome is determined by above-board negotiation. Your rights and others are respected.

__Your underlying belief is that you have a responsibility to protect your own rights. You respect others but not necessarily their behavior.